So lis­ten up candy indus­try! All of these so called extreme breath mints may be minty. They may even cause some minor pain. But they all become sort of mild after the first 10 sec­onds and then their effects dis­ap­pear within min­utes of dis­solv­ing. Where is the mind numb­ing, body freez­ing sen­sa­tions? Why doesn’t the room sud­denly freeze over when I breathe over it like the com­mer­cials say will occur?

Hon­estly. Let’s for­get “strong” mints or “xtreme” mints. I want God-Strength Mints. “Ice Age” Mints. “Outer Edge of the Solar Sys­tem” Mints. “The Stuff that Freezes off Warts” Mints. Let’s see it.