So many movies are remade. And remade. Often to ill effect. We all know this. Why don’t we try renam­ing them as well? That might throw a lit­tle fla­vor on a bland Hol­ly­wood pas­time, and we might make a few ini­tial down­ers real uplifters. No dis­re­spect intended for the “based on real events” movies.

SCREENPLAY

GORILLAS IN THE SPAGHETTI

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DIAN FOZZIE IS IN HER KITCHEN, STIRRING A POT OF NOODLES FOR DINNER.

FOZZIE: God, what I wouldn’t give to see goril­las enjoy­ing a spaghetti din­ner. It’s always with the for­ag­ing and the shows of male bravado. I should do some­thing about that.

CUE “BORN TO BE WILD” OVER OPENING CREDITS WITH HELICOPTER SCENE OF FOZZIE FLYING OVER THE CONGO LOADED WITH 50LB BAGS OF DRIED SPAGHETTI.