This is the photo mes­sage sent to the FBI by Big­foot while being lightly elec­tro­cuted in an alter­ca­tion with some power lines. At first sight it seems like Big­foot might be doc­u­ment­ing his sud­den and high-voltage demise. But the pur­pose­ful­ness of the shot and its emo­tive fram­ing sug­gests that Big­foot expe­ri­ences pain. Despite this, he will suf­fer through it and sur­vive to suf­fer again and again later down the road. It’s almost human. Per­haps entirely so.

But I wouldn’t waste tears on Big­foot. Oh, dear, no. He’s huge and hairy. And we don’t cry over ugly things. This is what we do instead, fol­low closely:

  1. We call up the net­works and sched­ule a makeover show.
  2. We self­lessly give Big­foot a 5000 square foot house with indoor jun­gle gym.
  3. After giv­ing Big­foot a tour of his enor­mous home (and out­line how much of his monthly income will go towards prop­erty taxes), we reveal that:
  4. We have also paid off his elec­tri­cal burn hos­pi­tal bills.
  5. Now we can cry. And so can Big­foot. It’s OK, big guy.