You know why King Arthur is a leg­end? Because it can’t be sub­stan­ti­ated. There isn’t a skele­ton we can gen­uinely say “And here lay the bones of King Arthur, king of Eng­land.” But why can’t we find his skele­ton? I mean, toes and hairs and teeth of even the most obscure saints lit­ter the chapels of Europe, but we haven’t even got so much as an eardrum of Arthur. Well, I can tell you with cer­tainty that the rea­son we haven’t found pha­langes nor femurs of Arthur because Arthur was a frog.

The tale became con­fused because sto­ry­tellers of the time were not into his­tor­i­cal fact. They thought it rather degrad­ing to the great coun­try of Britain that their great leader was actu­ally an amphib­ian called Artie and that the famous sword that cer­ti­fied his rank was really a shovel. I hope to one day right the world of this gross mis­rep­re­sen­ta­tion of our history.